Love,,,,,, it made me happy today.... i'm really happy. i love him for real and i know he loves me too.... after that female spoke to me about him and al i thot i was making a mistake and i was ruining her life... so i decided if i act indifferent and rude and sarcastic and tel him i dont love him and i want to leave him, i thot mayb he wud think i was too young for him and stay away from me and go back to her. the horrible thing is she loves him so much that it hurts to think abt their relationship. she tells me he loved her the same way once.... i really cant get over it. oh but i din do this because i wanted her to be happy. no way.... i'm not some saint. i just din want people to talk bad abt him. i love him a lot and i cant stand if people talk bad about him. i can say wateva i want about him but no one else shud say bad things about him. it would hurt me.
so i said rude things to him last nite while silently crying and hating myself for it..... i cried myself to sleep and this morning i told him to go die. i cried a lot.... it hurt so much. i thot he wud detest me if i told him to go die, i thot he wud think i din give a shit about him,,,, i said really horrible things to him. i din want to meet him cos i kno if i saw him i wud just melt. and thats exactly what happened. he asked to meet me just once and i went there with the intention of fighting with him and ending it al. n thats wat happened at first but then i just cudn resist and flung myself at him. i love him so much. atleast now we spoke and sorted things out. he dosen want to go back n im not goin to force him. i love him just the way he is and i really miss being with him. he told me he loves me a lot and wants to live with me forever..... this is wat i fell for at first and im falling for it again.... but i hope he doesn break my heart again. my fingers are crossed.
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