Love.....

Love, wat is it? i dunno i love being in love but at tyms it hurts so much that i wish i never was in love. at tyms wen im depressed i used to try writing poems.... but i gave up cos i cudn. i thot if u wer in love u automatically wrote poems and even though u neva made sense, u always made sense. like now...! wow!! i wrote something complicated..... neways, the thing is i love him a lot. i miss being with him. i just found out that he has been doing the same things that he did with her. but he swears that he din love her as much as he loves me and that now he dosen feel anything for her.. but she spoke to me and told me things that prove that he was even physically active with her till 9 months back, wen he has been in a relationship with me for 2 years. god!!! these men.... dunno how they manage these things. she told me she still loves him and she s not able to get over him and she never will.... the thing is it wud make some sense if he was cheating on her and was true to me or cheating on me and was true to her. but he is bloody two timing and he is not true even to himself. the selfish bastard has the cake and wants to eat it too. but i love this selfish bastard so much and i kno il neva b able to love someone this much. or mayb i wud. but who wud love me? i dunno if i can give al my love to someone else. mayb if i find out something about him that makes me sick, makes me hate him, then mayb i wud b able to find a life for me. but then again i'v found out so much about him and i still love him so much..... i love him wat he is to me. but i found out even that is not for real. i mean even if he was two timing me he cud'v been real to me. but no, he does the same thing to both of us. like sometyms wen we fight a lot he wud just bend down and kiss me and make it all okay. it hurts so much to think that he probably does the same thing to her. at tyms i even feel sorry for him.... like how much it wud hurt him to think about himself and how cheap he is. i mean he can get away from me n evryone else, but he cant get away from himself. he has to answer to himself someday and i kno he wud feel ashamed and guilty that day and i feel sorry for him. i love him so so so much.....
but why? why cant i get over him? why does it al have to be complicated? is being in love such a big mistake? can't i find someone who loves me for real? why do i have to love someone who doesn even care wat happens to me.....? why god?